hey jude

refrain.

take a sad song, and make it better.

na na na nananana nananana

steps

be kinder.

forgive my faults when I encounter them in others.

distance.

talked to one of my survivor friends again yesterday. we need the same things.

talked to mr o about survival again. he gets it. i ask him ridiculous questions. need to be assured of ridiculous things, over and over again. asked him, did i lie when i told all those people x, when i named it x? was x x? over and over. his patience is unfathomable.

whilst needing to edit my paper on survivor knowledge. figures.

journal

1/5/2009: Survival used to mean drawing inward, shutting down and waiting for things--the ____, the words, the ______---to pass, and sometimes still does mean shutting down and means again and again surviving my own coping mechanisms, breaking open the home I never stopped living inside of, cracking it open and letting life ^back in.

5 am resolution

To make my mistakes much more loudly.

s

Holding the memory in my bones still, though time has worked its traces out of most of my cells, time and words and partners and breathing and practice dislodges it.

self-care

lavender and chamomile bath
plus lavender and chamomile tea