tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86655296432875325832024-03-13T05:38:27.065-05:00liminality and versucheromphaloskepsis! meta-omphaloskepsis! blogging!omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-63844197866098045602013-10-31T11:26:00.000-05:002013-10-31T11:26:26.089-05:00for matt and jordan and the woman in the tree
. . . I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff—I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all.
The thing with kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-19774065285688551932013-02-12T17:58:00.000-06:002013-02-12T17:58:46.633-06:00x = xOn Friday I cried on the phone with one of my survivor friends because some days it is just hard all over again. Most days have been good, so it catches me off guard. I tell her it is not fair. It is not fair to have this to deal with when this is not mine. I think that I can't quite convince myself that it is true. _ ___ ________ __ __ ___. Is that true? I can't quite convince myself that there omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-55197702706328657952012-08-30T14:12:00.000-05:002012-08-30T17:26:53.477-05:00rhizomes, revisited
Rhizome Cross-Section
"A rhizome may be broken, shattered at a given spot, but it will start
up again on one of its old lines, or on new lines." - Deleuze and
Guattari
omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-81003518351759465842011-11-21T15:01:00.002-06:002011-11-21T15:10:05.810-06:00dear life / dear selfmore glitter, more bowie.omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-68847189367439533672011-10-19T10:28:00.000-05:002012-08-30T15:04:25.907-05:00fall and winter projects
It's raining today but when I started this post a week ago it was unseasonably sunny and warm.
Summer used to be my favorite season and before I moved north I dreaded the cold.
But soon fall became transfigured for me; I discovered a love of fresh,
chilly air. Fall became associated with soft sweater tights, scarves
knitted by friends, pretty hats, football games, caramel apples, hot
omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-18013047290490434022011-10-18T14:01:00.006-05:002011-10-18T14:32:47.239-05:00i hate the psychiatristIt's like going to a doctor and describing your symptoms except where your symptoms are all your most closely guarded and emotionally painful personal things summed up in a ten minute questionnaire. But it is ok because I watched this video like seven times on the way home, took a xanax, and completely forgot how to care about the fact that I have never met a psychiatrist with any kind of omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-88429750606404228652011-10-07T16:34:00.001-05:002012-08-30T17:40:03.411-05:00it takes an ocean not to breakomphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-62937338820617850362011-10-07T14:22:00.000-05:002012-08-30T15:02:13.215-05:00untitled
When my dad was little the flap of tissue under his tongue was overgrown
so that until it was discovered and corrected his speech was "messed
up."
During that time apparently his dad constantly told him that he was a
"retard" and would get in screaming fights with my grandmother about how
she "gave him a retarded child."
I only learned this a couple years ago when I happened to be omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-79069949251830511802011-10-05T13:39:00.000-05:002012-08-30T15:00:10.002-05:00the view from home
This picture was taken from my parents' front yard, looking out. My old bedroom looks out this way, from the second floor.
I remember standing on the floor of my old room when it was not yet a
room. When it was plywood and empty framing and open sky. There were no
other houses yet around, just empty streets and lots for sale. That was a
magic time.
I was in high school when this house was omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-65722987435447373182011-09-14T14:22:00.001-05:002011-09-14T14:23:34.692-05:00lovelier lightTake all the things that I've said that he stolePut 'em in a sackSwing 'em over my shoulderTurn on my heelsStep out of this sightTry to live in a lovelier lightomphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-58534463297761616772011-09-14T10:59:00.000-05:002012-08-30T17:39:02.859-05:00this post is depressing
I have the next four hours blocked out to sit in a coffee shop to do my
own work. To read and write on my dissertation, to drink coffee, and to
not lesson plan or respond to student e-mails, etc. These four hours are
a gift, but I am having trouble feeling that. Outside it is wet and
gray and the atmosphere feels thick and heavy. I feel down, I feel
weighed down.
My partner woke me up omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-62663442564306306382011-09-07T11:53:00.000-05:002012-08-30T17:29:01.548-05:00movement
Got together with a friend and colleague yesterday to talk about our
current writing goals, and yes, consume some whiskey. She tells me that
she hopes to finish her current chapter by the end of the semester, and I
tell her that I hope to do aerobic exercise three times a week, yoga
twice a week, and to write something, even a few sentences, everyday.
Sentences unrelated to my omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-27768512258895285782011-09-06T13:19:00.000-05:002012-08-30T17:32:44.577-05:00missing
In a journal, newly purchased, I write that I need to start writing
again, that I need to get back into the habit of observing in words. I
read this phrase in Writing Fiction by Janet Burroway. I am on
page four of this book. I am on page four or ten or fifteen of so many
books, discarded in stacks on tables and shelves and floors around my
apartment.
I have an afternoon free. I do not omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-43726383455117257112011-08-03T16:14:00.000-05:002012-08-30T16:34:51.439-05:00dear jordan, there's bars out here for milesnot everyone survives. (you know this.) sometimes I wish I could ask you how we did it. not because I need reasons or ways. and not even because I need to understand the difference between you and me and someone who dies alone in a truck in a field.
I need to know that you still saw something in me when I was at my worst. I don't mean some kind of strength to pull through, or that sort of thingomphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-71211370543875056642011-04-26T11:34:00.007-05:002013-02-12T17:22:34.104-06:00if you can't say anything nice7 was magnetic.4 had a charming smile.15 taught me how to read.9 forgives.5 was unbelievably witty.10 was easy to talk to.26 was a kindred spirit.8 is adorable when he's happy.14 has accomplished great things.11 has great taste in books.12 is dedicated and hard-working.16 really tries sometimes.6 taught me some of what it takes to be in a healthy relationship.13 has survived under toxic omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-29966640678474557432011-03-03T17:17:00.000-06:002013-02-12T17:19:16.628-06:00factsI made a list of people who have hurt me in some significant way. Here are some facts about that list.
There are 31 people on the list.
26 of the people on the list are men.
11 of the men have first names that begin with the letter J.
7 of the men have last names that begin with the letter W.
1 last name is unknown to me.
6 people share a name with someone else on the list.
2 more share the sameomphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-90567670309643590922010-09-15T11:01:00.006-05:002012-08-30T16:33:04.045-05:00change l'airget angrybe angry, burn everythinggrieve in your toes and fingertipsget stung by scorpions in your dreamstalk to people who say the right things, people who say the wrong things, people who say no thingbe kind to yourselflearn and remember, remember again to listen when people tell you who they areopen the windows, abre la puertabe betterlet the new air inomphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-85482428560891454262010-09-13T15:54:00.010-05:002012-08-30T17:44:47.671-05:00
In his dreams God was much occupied. Spoken to He did not answer. Called to did not hear. The man could see Him bent at his own work. As if through a glass. Seated solely in the light of his own presence. Weaving the world. In his hands it flowed out of nothing and in his hands it vanished into nothing once again. Endlessly. Endlessly. . . . And somewhere in that tapestry that was theomphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-6667670161598138132010-08-30T16:18:00.000-05:002012-08-30T16:49:50.975-05:00you change all the lead / sleepin in my head / to goldomphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-26783595297777814142010-08-10T11:58:00.009-05:002012-08-30T17:50:36.813-05:00blahthings have been blah for awhile now. for no real reason b/c there's no excuse, my life is easy and good.
our water was off for a bit yesterday and came back on yellow, and then less yellow, and then cloudy, so I'm worried about the coffee.
I fall down the stairs on my way out to get coffee.
And ___ ___ ____ ___ ___ ______ ____ __ fuck.
but the music is full and sweet. thank god.omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-79937262255866485032010-05-21T12:15:00.004-05:002012-08-30T16:45:53.082-05:00no longer do we wondermr o sent me this video this morning. overwhelmed with love and gratitude and belonging and faith and hope and love.
omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-10259230346501383922010-05-06T08:15:00.007-05:002012-08-30T17:32:02.075-05:00hey juderefrain.
take a sad song, and make it better.
na na na nananana nanananaomphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-65952493675815647532010-04-24T23:37:00.007-05:002012-08-30T16:50:43.123-05:00stepsbe kinder.
forgive my faults when I encounter them in others.
distance.omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-61373472564791299642010-04-05T13:11:00.024-05:002012-08-30T16:57:20.385-05:00talked to one of my survivor friends again yesterday. we need the same things.
talked to mr o about survival again. he gets it. i ask him ridiculous questions. need to be assured of ridiculous things, over and over again. asked him, did i lie when i told all those people x, when i named it x? was x x? over and over. his patience is unfathomable.
whilst needing to edit my paper on omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8665529643287532583.post-42964109858311951052010-02-05T16:28:00.000-06:002012-08-30T17:34:03.538-05:00journal1/5/2009: Survival used to mean drawing inward, shutting down and waiting for things--the ____, the words, the ______---to pass, and sometimes still does mean shutting down and means again and again surviving my own coping mechanisms, breaking open the home I never stopped living inside of, cracking it open and letting life ^back in.omphaloskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00368265474311091560noreply@blogger.com0