session

so many connections made this morning

tried to walk them off

linking stories and words

walked to a yard sale
and didn't buy lemonade for fifty cents or touch anything really
i walked back down the street and tried things on and took them off
came home emptyhanded

making the connections i already had in words coming out before i can censor their double meaning

it became a habit

jason then jordan

for something like six months
of talking about myself for an hour every week i did not tell her about jason
jason who was in my life from 16 to 23
not i did not tell her about jason
i did not tell her jason exists
did not seem relevant somehow

when we finally talked about him a few months ago she wanted to know why "he is gross"
it had not occurred to me
that i did not have an answer because it seemed so obvious like common knowledge, jason is gross

never forgot any of it just didn't know how to connect it
only how to bury it in my stomach

with everything else
connected