reading Anthropology from a Pragmatic Point of View and

wondering how awesome it would be if all we had of Kant was Observations and Anthropology and everything else had been burned in a fire.

Today is one of those days where I don't hate philosophy, and it seems as though that should be recorded. I also don't want to drop out of grad school and I also have some sort of strange belief or hope that I can stay in school and also not end up homeless or otherwise miserable.

Which is to say that I'm kind of content, where I am, right now.

Which isn't to say that nothing is confusing right now.

I don't know what I can say except that my body is maybe carrying the weight of things I don't see or know or remember. So, a lot of my energy is consumed right now with trying to remember things I may never remember or that may never have happened at all. This trying to remember is another weight my body is carrying for me so that at the end of some days I am completely exhausted and numb. But N keeps coming home and whatever state he finds me in he talks or listens or cooks dinner or runs the bath or whatever, he just keeps patiently taking care of me.

I hate that he has to deal with this, I hate that I don't have enough information to get angry, I hate not knowing.

and all the wine is all for me*

Lots of strangers have been talking to me today, but the kindred kind of strangers who share your interests and brighten your day with their kindness and recognition. It might have something to do with the fact that my hair's now freshly colored and bright red so I'm going to be standing out in crowds until it calms down a bit, or that I was wearing my Wilco shirt and there's no dearth of people to talk about Wilco in Chicago. I'd like to think though that the universe is just responding to my need to be reaffirmed, you know that I exist, that I'm human, that my face isn't made of spiders (fuck Jordan!), etc.

So, yes, by the way I now have supershort bangs, which will be a constant reminder over the next month or so to *be clearer* and *more direct* about what I want!!!111!111!!1

I also have a new rug and candles and espresso machine and flowers and soon enough, yes, I will have a new uterine lining.


_____
* I'm put together beautifully... / So tall I take over the street / with highbeams shining on my back / a wingspan unbelievable I'm a festival / I'm a parade / And all the wine is all for me ... / I'm so sorry but the motorcade will have to go around me this time cause god is on my side ... / I'm in a state I'm in a state / nothing can touch us my love / (The National)